Reach for the top. That’s what we are all told as we grow up. All those teenagers waiting for their exam results (not looking forward to that phase, oh no) are hoping for great grades, many wanting to go on to university and challenging careers. I did. I worked hard, went to a prestigious uni and have a good job. And yet.

I’m writing this blog on the first train to London. It’s 6am. I saw Elder for 10mins yesterday. I won’t see him at all today. Nor Little One. This is not a moan (that was yesterday – it got better) I’m lucky in so many ways, but I often wonder whether shooting for a career ASAP is the best thing. I just assumed it was.

Frankly, having the boys has all but killed my career with the Parkinson’s delivering the death blow. A little galling considering the effort I put into it. I could go on about maternity rights and equal opportunities but the fundamental truth is you can’t have it all. And we shouldn’t pretend you can. You only end up exhausted and stressed. Well I do.

Before the female population lynch me I have to go on to ask why we assume the responsibility for family care lies with the mother? We should be showing the boys that they can be involved fathers rather than only seeing their kids at the weekend. I’m lucky. I only do this trail into Town twice a week. I’m surrounded by guys in pinstripes who do it daily. That can’t be good can it? It’s almost 3hrs each way!!

Other Half said last night how much he enjoys having the boys on my ‘big London’ days. The proverbial silver lining. We are in this parenting lark together aren’t we? We should be raising the next generation to take that for granted.

Another silver lining. Just to get back to the important things in life. I have made progress on my lace crochet scarf. I think it’s going to be quite cool. And I’ve started making a Chanel style bag as featured in this months Knitting mag. Moss stitch. Nooooooooooooooo !