when you get diagnosed with a ‘serious’ disease you have a pseudo out of body experiencce. you think, wow, this is happening to ME, it’s REAL, how do I react? What would they do in Casualty? And at that point you have a choice = upbeat or down and out? Fighter or victim?

People expect you to take on one of these claoks, even if they dont realise it themselves. And tbh the roles are self inflicted -its a damn sight easier to follow a template then cut yourself loose and see how you get on. That involves time. A luxury not available to me. My days are spoken for completely.

And so you choose your cloak and the adrenaline seeps away and you get on with life. and you do it, you manage it, and no one knows the little battles you win, the little obsticles you negotiate, the frustrations and anger you swallow. today i tried to help Little One put his jacket on and it took 10 minutes. i did it. but 10 minutes. and similar things happen every day. But you don’t tell because then youre moaning. there;s no moaning cloak, only brave or tragic.

that to me is the great isolator. keeping a lid on theday’s trials. there s no point in banging on about it but its real and it has a blardy good go at ruling my life. today hasnt been good. tomorrow will be better.