when you get diagnosed with a ‘serious’ disease you have a pseudo out of body experiencce. you think, wow, this is happening to ME, it’s REAL, how do I react? What would they do in Casualty? And at that point you have a choice = upbeat or down and out? Fighter or victim?

People expect you to take on one of these claoks, even if they dont realise it themselves. And tbh the roles are self inflicted -its a damn sight easier to follow a template then cut yourself loose and see how you get on. That involves time. A luxury not available to me. My days are spoken for completely.

And so you choose your cloak and the adrenaline seeps away and you get on with life. and you do it, you manage it, and no one knows the little battles you win, the little obsticles you negotiate, the frustrations and anger you swallow. today i tried to help Little One put his jacket on and it took 10 minutes. i did it. but 10 minutes. and similar things happen every day. But you don’t tell because then youre moaning. there;s no moaning cloak, only brave or tragic.

that to me is the great isolator. keeping a lid on theday’s trials. there s no point in banging on about it but its real and it has a blardy good go at ruling my life. today hasnt been good. tomorrow will be better.


3 responses to “lalalala”

  1. Well observed! Wearing the ‘fighter cloak’ can feel bitter from the inside because we have no choice, and the future is still uncertain.
    Sounds like you’re tired – which isn’t surprising, Mrs Human Dynamo! New job, dozens of sewing and blogging projects, a young family – Superman himself would be buckling under the strain with all that!
    24 hours good rest is what you need, then you’ll be back on top!


  2. Well you certainly made me read on this morning, if fact you kicked my a–e! I at times have wanted to shy away from the hard for some “facing up to life decisions/choices” that some have to make. As you say sometimes it is easier for those that care if cloaks are worn. You amaze me with your articulate look on your life & your blog about things around you, so well done you. I have a friend just about to start chemo & radio therapy, with a cocktail of drugs to take each day, she has always had good health. She is not taking it quietly, she, like you, makes the most of each day & is still generous & caring of others. Most definitely not the victim & her only cloak is Red! very cheerful & makes you smile. What she appreciates more than anything is being able to talk it all through & say what she feels. A scary life, full of obstacles, maybe I put my head in the sand at times because I am scared of what you have to go through, with love for a happy Christmas time


    1. I have made such good friends over the last couple of years…everybody has bad days and times don’t they? The key is what you do next….


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: