It occurred to me yesterday evening that I have not been really acknowledging the true enormity of the past three weeks; i mean, i have found comfort in taking notice of the smaller pleasures in life…birdsong, i spy games in bed with my youngest while sipping a cup of tea made with love and care, time with my eldest not packed with jobs to do. Even the cats have chilled out (if that is possible, they were relaxed already).
So while I have held the small close, I have pushed the monolithic far away. A coping mechanism no doubt. But it cannot be ignored if we want to truly learn, surely.
In the past I have made big changes to deal with big problems. I now have a different life, almost unimaginably so. Health, relationships, money…all changed. Mostly for the better even though health in particular has and continues to be a minefield. But these changes were in the main done quite slowly but with periods of frenetic activity interspersing the growing realisations. A bit like the build up of earthquakes.
I have had enough seismic activity but I acknowledge change is needed. So I think I will try to make small changes with a view to them adding up. I’m too tired to make huge shifts. But tiny steps are just as worthwhile. I know that now.
And this is my big win today. To realise that small can work, increments are valid. Another massive change for me, really. See. It’s working already.