Crick

You can’t spend all your time looking backwards. It gives you a crick in the neck. And you tend to bump into things. And you get lost. I should know.

2022 was a good year overall. I did some cool stuff and went to some cool places. I met new people. I learnt a lot about myself. I also put some ghosts to rest and I think finally shut the door on the past few years’ angst. Health wise it was a challenge but one I accepted and dealt with. I have a lot more to do but ain’t that always the way.

The point here though is not what I did, it’s how I feel about it. Normally at this time of year I would be thinking of goals that I hadn’t achieved. Plans that had been changed. Looking back with reproach. I would be resolving to try harder next year. To improve. To do a better job.

So I

This year? Well, I learnt a lot this year about myself and my perfectionism born out of insecurities and self doubt. My drive and energy, always so praised and admired, fuelled by a need for approval and validation so strong I will jeopardise my health and well-being to satisfy it. That inner critic whose voice can drown out any self preservation instincts I may have. The power that external amplification of that criticI also learnt about love and partnership. Honesty and respect. Kindness and strength. How they can transform and heal. And how some things and people can’t be changed. Or at least not by me. And how I have to accept that. Know my boundaries. Move on from that which has gone. Or was never really there in the first place.

I’m going to look forward this year. I’m not sure what the next step is but I’m going to be looking in the right direction for sure. I hope you can too.

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