Stitch This

I have had my fair share of therapy in the past and, as you know, I have been very open about it. I just can’t see the benefit in hiding it…it’s like saying you will do without a cast when you break your leg. Daft. Anyhoo, I came to the end of the latest bout jus5 before Christmas and this week I have received (for the first time) a summary letter. It is essentially the flourish at the end of the signature, a full stop to round off the whole course. And I think it’s utterly brilliant. Written in positive terms, it is something to copy and carry so that if I am having a wobble I can read it and see what I’ve achieved, how far I’ve come.

And, I hadn’t really appreciated how much I covered although I have felt this block of sessions has somehow made sense of everything that has come before. I am quite cheerful and try hard not to get down about my rebellious brain and errant health although those close to me might differ with this opinion. But I was struggling post the last dose of COVID, my second, to rest and pace myself. This therapy has uncovered many almost automatic thought no behaviour patterns, borne from my childhood, that were essentially self sabotaging. Now, I am still finding rest hard but I am doing much better and I am recognising my ‘bad’ habits for what they are. Recognition is the first part of eradication and/or acceptance of past trauma and pain.

When you have an accident and you injure yourself it is normally fast, dramatic, grabbing attention and sympathy. By contrast, recovery and healing is gradual, private, slow, dare I say it, boring? So it’s hard to recover, easy to wound or be wounded. This i have learnt and come to understand my aversion to incremental change. But that is the route I must take for success. So I have my backpack, my snacks and supplies, I have my map and I have set off. In fact, I set off a while ago but, like a snail, no one would have noticed because progress was glacial. But progress there is and so I’m feeling quite hopeful.

This is way more measured than any response I have had before and it is in that difference that I am hoping success and acceptance will be hiding. I’ll let you know when I reach the end of the brick (apologies to AA MilneJ