Mumsnet have been running a brilliant campaign for a Miscarriage Code of Conduct. As part of it we bloggers have been askeD to share our thoughts and experiences. Here’s the link and here goes….
All my life I’ve quite enjoyed being slightly apart and ‘indie’ but here’s a club I find myself thrust into and I had no choice. My miscarriage (or should I say ‘our) was early, not very dramatic, quiet and that’s how I remained. There are others who have already spoken of how much kindness counts in the treatment and care of those losing their babies.
I would add to that the need to actually remember the patient – quite literally – to understand that silence does not equal disappearance. i was completely forgotten. I was quiet and polite as they ushered me into a side room to wait for my scan. I remained quietly there for what felt like hours until I went back out into the corridor, populated with happy pregnant women, to ask when I was to be seen. They forgot me. I know with hindsight that they were being sensitive by giving me a private space but it made me feel even more of a failure.
That is the point I want to make, my little story. I could go into details but I’m happy to hug them to myself, to think about that parallel reality that never was. This post is to support an important cause defined forever in my mind by silence. I break my silence to make my point. I hope it was worth it. I believe it is.