There’s something about sitting in the creeping dawn, filling up with ideas but with hands that are dormant, unable to articulate the squirming stories that come boiling up in my head. I wake up and the first thing I do is check to see whether I feel energy. Any energy. Ever since the time I just couldn’t move at all during the immediate aftermath of the foot op (serotonin syndrome folks, it’s better than Twister) i have never taken energy for granted. So i check for a spark.
On the assumption I have some level of mobility i either (if i am lucky) persuade myself that its too early to open my eyes and drift back off to sleep. This is approximately 10% of the time although i may hit the heady heights of 20% one day, who knows.
The rest of the time it’s the start of the ideas section of my day. Thoughts that have been standing in the wings of my mental Pollock’s theatre come creeping in. Some stampede. But all have a voice. I enjoy listening to the different approaches. Some cannot be patient, waiting their turn. They have to be the priority, they come first. They will repeat and repeat like a bad takeaway until they are taken seriously and dealt with. Others slink in the shadows. They are normally the ones that are the really important but they carry a load too. They may be a task that should have been done a long time ago. They could be a secret. Ignore them at your peril though.
The challenge I have is to remember all these characters because I can ‘twrite anything down because my hands won’t work. I can’t dictate either (good idea but no) because I will disturb the others sleeping in the house. Remember, its still predawn. So I have to try to accept that some ideas will wither at this point, defeated by memory holes. This is particularly hard. My father died of Alzheimer’s and memory loss is my fear. Allowing content to slip from my mental grasp is a challenge shall we say.
The rest have to fight it out for their rightful place. Most do not progress any further. Some make it. Like the idea for this post. It’s been niggling me for a while now and its finally got the spotlight. I’m glad. That’s a space in the wings cleared for another new idea tomorrow. I just hope it’s got a nice attitude and isn’t a queue jumper.
Leave a Reply