I raided the cupboard tonight
I wanted crisps, salt and bite
But snacks there were none
My shelves are no fun
And my jeans are accusingly tight.
If only there was a quick answer
To make me as lithe as a panther
To smooth all my bumps
And banish those lumps
But instead I have cheeks like a hamster.
Oh I know all the theory and crazes
What people will try still amazes
So I do need to know
How to strike the first blow
Against diets
They can all go to blazes!
I know, I know, so fat I flow.
The best thing I have found
To help me loose a pound
(or two) was a simple set of scales.
This method never fails*
if you plot your current weight
against each and every date
on a neatly drawn graph
blu-tacked near the bath.
*It worked for me
and for my man
but I should say that we
haven’t tried again.